“Attraction isn’t a choice.”
This article will look at attraction with the aim of helping you to develop a measure of control over it so that you can have and experience more of what you desire in life and also align with your true desires. The latter is often not considered by many of us.
We can liken attraction to magnetism. I recall the day in junior school when I was amazed at how two pieces of magnetised metal could be pulled together or repelled from each other. It was almost magical.
There are a number of areas that could be useful to look at in terms of the attraction dynamic but this article will focus on just one — attraction and the ebb and flow of time.
What does time have to do with attraction? Well, the busier we are, the more attraction runs on autopilot. So we will tap into time to see the attraction structure and process more clearly. Not so much as to take the excitement out of it, just enough to take out the default and chance elements that don’t serve us.
Slowing things down just enough…
The frames of a film usually run at 24 per second. At that speed we see a seamless movie. If it is slowed down, even just a little bit, we start to see the individual frames. We are going to do something similar now — slow down the attraction dynamic so we can see it just a bit more clearly. We will see what is already in plain sight, if we slow our minds down just enough.
Try this for starters: think of your favourite song.
Did it take a while to home in on the answer? Now if I were to ask what initially attracted you to that song, I bet it’ll take you even longer to ponder and respond. Why? Because attraction is like many other aspects of our lives — it tends to run more on autopilot than we realise. And this is why it will be useful to slow it down a little, so we can learn how it works for us.
When we transcend time with our imagination we tend to experience a slight hypnotic state. We can test this now by asking a couple more questions. Please feel free to join in.
- If I were to ask you to cast your mind back to an enjoyable childhood memory, what might you think of?
- Where do you imagine your life will be in five years’ time? What direction do you see your life going?
You might find that these questions take some focus and concentration. The further we look back or forward in time, the more hypnotic the state we experience. If, for example, you were asked to recall your first ever memory, you might notice that your mind has to work hard to get there. So you’ll shift into an even more hypnotic state. And the same goes for the second question, if it was changed from five years to 10.
Answering the questions above has just established that we can time-travel in our minds by shifting back into memory or forward into imagination. We use this facility frequently.
Sometimes it takes a bit more imagination though, for example when we select a holiday destination, especially an exotic one that is outside our norm.
When contemplating the unknown we will run through a mental checklist that is often mostly outside our conscious awareness. This ‘checklist’ idea is discussed in some detail in my article called ‘Sexy Simplicity’. It might be worth a read.
Bringing your mind back to the present, we can see that we look to have a balance of known versus new to make for enough excitement to tick our boxes. Too much known and boredom might be experienced. Too much unknown can bring a form of distress. We all have a degree to which we are willing to take calculated risk.
If you take an area of life and assess your attitude to risk on a scale of 0 to 10, you might feel some judgment come up, especially if you feel you should take more risks. However, it is more useful to see that no risk level is right or wrong, it is more about what is right for you in that given context. We all have optimal risk levels that are associated with the various areas of our lives.
To give a practical example, when I completed a questionnaire for my financial advisor it showed that I have a risk rating of 7/10 to 8/10 so I’m quite willing to take sizeable risks but not so large that I’d be considered a gambler. This explains why I am not so keen on going to the same places over and over again; I like more new than known.
For lots of people, risking their finances at a level of 7 or 8 would lead to lots of sleepless nights. Again, this is not right or wrong. Just whatever is best suited to that person’s nature and the given context. Having a good knowledge of your optimal risk level can also help you find a quality of anticipation that is most useful for you…
Making a financial investment is not that different to selecting what clothes to wear or even choosing a potential lover. Sure, some are more intimate than others but in all cases we go through a mental checklist to anticipate if the person or investment or outfit is what we want. Most of us do this on autopilot but some do it more consciously.
Like one of my friends… She once told me the way she tested potential partners. She would always insist that a first date would be a meal for two. She didn’t mind if she had to pay because she felt it was such a useful way to gather important information: the way the guy handled his knife and fork, how he spoke with the staff serving them and the rest of his behaviour in that setting would reveal many of his traits very quickly. She even believed that she could anticipate his potential as a lover by his gestures.
I was initially a bit shocked as it sounded quite shallow. Then she told me about a meal she’d had with a guy who was strikingly similar in looks to David Beckham. Physically he ticked all her boxes! However, he seemed to feel out of place in the restaurant and directed his awkwardness at the young girl serving them. He was condescending to her. This was enough for my friend to decide that although she found him physically attractive, he was not the partner or lover that she desired.
So maybe she wasn’t being shallow at all. Perhaps she was actually being very direct and was consciously doing what most people do on autopilot.
I believe she ‘set up a time and place to create a space’. The ‘space’ being a state of mind where she would be able to effectively anticipate the past, present and the future and tune in to her intuition.
Maybe it would be worth considering trying your own version of my friend’s technique? You could consider and ask yourself ‘what could it be worth to me to have what I want, the way I want it, when I want it… more often?’
Part One of this article aims to tap and tune into ‘what’ you might desire and want to attract into your life via the imagination and time-based dynamic of anticipation. In Part Two we will pick up the pace (and maybe even the temperature) as we look more at ‘how’.